remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
This toilet bowl is my home.
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