If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
