so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
