Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
