If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
