If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
