ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
