hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
