dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Too much gin, very little bucket
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
