Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
