I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
