Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
