So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
