my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
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