It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
