Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just threw up on my dentist
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
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