just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
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