I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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