Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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