Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
