so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
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