when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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