Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Also, beer. Big fan.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
