You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
