I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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