before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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