I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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