In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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