I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
