If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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