PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
