it hurts more in the daytime
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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