I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You were trust falling into bushes
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
