C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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