I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
