I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
is it fun? or sober?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
