i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
