I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
