Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
