never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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