Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
