a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Randomize
