oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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