i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Alive.
So much puke
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
