Your mouth is God's brothel.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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