He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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