My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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