almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
