Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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