Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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