He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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