Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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