I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
