I'm lost and stupid without you.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
