and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
